If that lumbering lummox that calls himself my owner isn't more careful, I'll rip out his jugular. Can you believe he actually caught my tail on fire? Then he has the nerve to blame it on me for getting too close to his candles. It's bad enough that he makes me watch Dracula 24/7; now he's attempting to incinerate me. He has the balls to refer to himself as the King of Cats....I'd like to see just how many lives he has. Never fear though, I left a hairball on his bed this morning.
Now that I've vented my considerable spleen, I suppose you'll want me to get on with the column. Typical humans! You take and take, but what have you ever given me? I will, however, forgive you as you are the inferior species. Be grateful.
Today I've decided to grace you with the master of horror himself: Edgar Allan Poe. Project Gutenberg has a wealth of Poe, but don't forget who gave you the links.
The Works of Edgar Allan Poe:
That should keep you busy for a while. Until next time, remember that you're only human and I am so much better than you that it physically hurts.
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